Babe,

It's been a few bad weeks with everything. I'd just like to thank you for helping me through these tough times. I love you. I'm always there for you. We're still a family, and although things are going to change, we'll still love each other, and we'll love Ben, and he'll love us, and that's all that really counts in the end.

Ok, so let me sum things up... awseome-zilla!!!
This movie is like a huge awesome lizard, wreaking awesome all over teh densly populated city of awesome!!!

By far my favorite part was when the white guy (I'm terrible with names) and the black guy (still can't remember) have to hurdle the bus, one goes over, and the other just slams right through it. Then, get aload of this... "...I jumped over it, you can do that?" I laughed till I puked!!!

Oh, the eiffel tower falling over, unbelievable, only pales in comparison to the ninja fight!! Can someone say... SWORDS!!!

A few cheesy lines in this one, but still a solid movie... 4.5 outta 5. If you haven't seen this gem, You're missing out.

So here I am, sitting in front of the computer with a snoring little baby on my lap, using up all effectiveness in my left hand, leaving me to chicken peck this note. That's life I guess, and I better make good use of this time, when Benny wakes up he's going to grumpy and hungry.

We took Ben to the doctor about his loud raspy breathing, and we were told that he has trachea Malaysia... soft cartilage rings rather than rigid. He'll grow out of it which is a relief.

In other news, I'm broke, for the 6th month in a row. By no means are we hurting, but it just grates against my nerves to live paycheck to paycheck and have nothing saved up. I guess thats why I'm trying for the rcmp. Speaking of... I miss calculated the speed at which I have to run for minimum requirements. I thought it was 8min/mile, oh no, 7min/mile... thats faster than the average marathon pace. For one thing I'm not much of a runner, second, ?I've got shin splints so mean, I swear my legs are going to break in half.

I'm done with this note, its taken forever to peck out, and my shoulder is all tired now.

It's official. John and Kate are getting a divorce. Good for you John, I'm glad you managed to tear her claws out of your soul. Now run, run like the wind!!!

P.S. I guess this means the end of their show... sorry about that Hayls.

So I'm driving home tonight, and 'Jack and Diane' comes on the radio.
It makes me sort of think back to my years fresh out of high school with no responsibility. It was a fun time, I'm not gonna lie. I was trying to sleep with anything that moved, managed on a few of those. I drank my face off all the time. Really, it was like living in one of those old movies like dazed and confused or American graffiti, where everything awesome happens at night.

Now don't get me wrong, I like where I am. I always wanted to get married and settle down with kids. I've done both of those things and I'm grateful for them. I guess what I miss really is the last of responsibility I had. Going back to when Hayley and I were dating, we could go out for ice cream, buy McDonalds every day, sit at the beach for hours... that's what I miss, being carefree.

Now it seems there isn't any time for anything. Most days I'm up before noon, which starts me off with about 7 hours sleep. That gives me roughly 4 hours to dink around before I've got to leave for work. Now factor in everyday I'm either out running for 30 min or working out for about an hour and this cuts my time back again.. sometimes more time for 'recovery' is needed also. Then there's things that need to be done. Cut the grass. Pay the bills. Make food, eat. Try to watch some tv. This doesn't leave me alot of time with the wife and baby. That makes me sad.

Then, on top of all this crap, I may/should be heading out west for 6 months with very limited contact. I just hope that everything is worth it. All I want is to be able to let my wife stay home with the baby and not have to worry about money.

I can tell you one thing, I understand about appearing out of the picture. I can tell that Ben will look back and say that I wasn't around alot, and it feels like he was raised singlehandedly by his mum. I guess that's how it goes, you work your ass off, and you can still end up being the bad guy. After this, I have a new level of respect for my dad, and how he supported his family by always being away. Love you dad.

So "wonderful tonight" by eric clapton comes on the air as I'm driving home, and it made me smile because it reminds me of Hayley, and that I'm going home to a woman who loves me.

I'm so lucky.

Damn cat... stop eating my leftovers and ruining this post...

So while at work Hayley got the call form the RCMP.
They received my package in the mail and everything looks good to them. They asked a few questions to clear up some things. I'm getting excited and scared about the whole thing. I want in soo badly, and it's still going to take the better of 8 months before I get the call to be shipped out.

I should have to go to Toronto within the next 2 weeks to have my interview. I need to start studying so that I'll be prepared and wont come up with bad answers. I hope everything goes well. I'll keep updating as the information rolls in.

I'm back at the workout after hurting my back and knees.
It's harder than I remember, and the weights seem weightier.

Damn these triceps!

So today was my day off and close enough to Hayley's birthday that we decided to celebrate. Hayley's mom came over at 5:00 to babysit the little guy and we were off to Belleville to see a movie.

We actually saw "I love you, man", despite some protest from me.
I figured it would be as bad as Pineapple Express, but it was actually really good. It was funny and I could completely relate to alot of the jokes, and some other things... but I'd recommend it to anyone. A nice side note, they didn't show the best parts on the commercials.

Hayley and I then went out for a nice dinner at Montana's, followed by a quiet drive home.

Now I know you're all saying, "wow Kev, that sounds like a really amazingly lame night". But nuts to you. It's hard to go out, and if even for a little while, it was nice to get away from the hustle and bustle of the baby.

Work tomorrow, then soul calibur 3. I'm going to unlock everything in that game, even if it takes forever!

After some waiting, and a whole lot of sweating, I managed to get up the nerve and perform the RCMP Physical Aptitude Requirement Examination. It's sort of like an obstacle course designed to tire you and. Trust me, it works. There are six laps of running, up and down stairs, jumping knee-high hurdles, going over a 3 ft hurdle, and falling to the floor a bunch of times. Oh, and then lifting a bunch of weight.

We went up to Lindsey to do the test and due to the examiner being under prepared, we didn't get back home until 10:00pm.

Anyways, it was a hard test, but I did it, I'm so glad that I passed, and it's onwards and upwards from here. I'm going to double check my paperwork this weekend and mail off my package to the RCMP HQ on Monday, and hopefully I should have an interview and the polygraph all set up for about 2 months from now. That's all that I've got to go through so I can be sent off to Depot in Regina Saskatchewan. That's going to be a tough 6 months, but I'm sure I can do it. If this is the first you're reading about this, I'm sorry, but I didn't want to tell everyone and fail at something and then be this big laughing stock.

SO ya, I'm feeling good, my back feels good. I bought $100 shoes and now my knees don't hurt when I run. Things are good for a change. I'm going to go eat an icecream.

So I was going to get rid of my live journal account, actually, I was well on my way, 14 days left until it expired. I was going to ditch it because no one used it, but that wasn't the reason I initially got it. There was a time that it was actually a journal that I kept. I should have been thinking about the people who still read my journals, the one person in the world who I care about that can read.

Things have been hard the last few months. I was just getting financially stable, ready to settle down into a routine and then things happened and everything got turned up on its head. I lost my job right after I bought my house, two cars, and after getting married and having a baby. I've done the best I can, I'm bringing in some money, enough to keep afloat, and that's ok.

Probably the thing that's changed the most is me. I've not been my usual self. With what feels like the world resting on my shoulders, I'm single handedly holding this operation afloat in what feels to be a fast moving current. To be honest it feels like I've just been treading water. I don't want to make the impression that Hayley isn't helping, she is, she's my everything. She keeps things squared down at home the way I like it. I hope she never has to go back to work. I'd just break my heart for Ben to not have his mom at his side all day long.

Well, I've put my mind to it, and I've decided that I've got to take drastic action. I've been working as hard I ever have at this, and I think it's been going well considering... considering I've never pushed myself in such a physical way. No one is going to notice the changes, but I see them and I feel them. Shit, I just about fall down dead from that treadmill, and I push the weights until I see stars. I do this for you. I don't ask for thanks, I just want you to know why I'm never with you, or always so tired or angry. It's never because of you, its always FOR you. I love you, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep us covered, fed and safe. So, to be with you, I'm going to be forced to leave. Not forever, but for a while.

I love you Hayley, I have since the day I first saw you. Well, at least by the end of the first week. Ben is beautiful, and I love him. I wish there were more hours in the day to spend with the two of you.

Whether or not I need to, I should post, it's probably been a few months, or more than a few months.
So, currently I am employed at Stream Global Services in Belleville. It's not a bad thing, it pays the bills, I haven't actually started taking calls yet, I'm sure it's going to be rocky for a while but I'll get the hang of it.

I'm going to start the year off like most people, making an attempt to get in better shape. I've picked up a gym and I'm working out 3 times a week. With a little help I brought Hayley's treadmill up to our house and I've been running. I fully intend to run 4 days a week, but We'll see if that actually happens. As far as it's gone, I can run about a mile in 12 minutes and then almost die in a coughing fit. I'm trying to eat like a sumo, no not actually like a sumo, I'm just trying to eat enough to gain some weight.

I've been doing this for about 2 weeks, and I've gained about 5 or 6 lbs, which is good. I hope to have gained another 20lbs before summer, but I think that's a little ambitious. Either way, I've got to keep at it, and not just for me, I've got to think about my little family now.

Speaking of, little Ben should be joining us any day now.

Well, today marks my 7th day of unpaid leave, and it sucks. I've applied everywhere, and the only callback I've got is to be a traveling air purifier salesman. I think it's time to bite the bullet and apply to the "other" stores. Wallmart, Zellers, and other crap like this.

I'm sure one day I can look back at this ad laugh, but for now I'm not findning it all that funnny.

So unofficially, crutchy is dead.
He/it is sitting in my garage not moving, with very little hope of moving.
I need to find someone who will tow my car away and give me $ for it.

Anyways,
This new place in Port Hope opened up called Sandy's Auto something.
Hayley and I went to look for a second car...

Ok, totally forgot to add this,
I bought my parents van off them, a 1999 ford windstar, a van. In purple.

Back to the story,
we're at the dealerships looking at used cars, its opening day and they've got all this dumb stuff goign on, facepainting, free popcorn, and whatnot. Hayley falls in love with a brown ford taurus station wagon, and we take it out for a test drive. I love it too, so we buy it. Thats the short version, talk to Hayley to find out all about what she had to go through to get it. I work all day so for me, it was a piece of cake.

Well, the wagon is ours, props out to Matt Probert for looking it over and fixing it up at his garage. Its got lots of cool stuff that I'll never use. Power seats, lock, windows, a missing fold up third seat, ( you fold it up, and there's a big flat piece of black cold metal staring back at you.

Well, thats that.
I get alot of writing done when I forget to pack a lunch at work...

Oh, so hungry...

So,
Yesterday nothing at work went well.
Everything was just not making sense.
SO today I come in and everyhting is jsut about done within the first 2 hours.
BAH!

Well,
Hayley and I take posession of our house tomorrow. We're going to be getting the niternet again, so everyone can chat online with us(hayley) again. I don't think the phone or internet or television will be hooked up until the following Monday or Tuesday, so, I guess don't try to call, but you can't because I haven't gotten/given out out number yet.

Err...
The wedding went really well, it was alot of fun.
Ya, that'll do for a update.
I'm still at work, so I don't really want to waste my whole break.

Well,
It's official.
As of yesterday I am a homeowner... well... ok, I bought a house. We (Hayley and I) bought a house. It's all ours. Papers signed, money gone... all that awaits now is to move in on the 22.

So, this year had been crazy busy. Moved from Toronto, getting married, bought a house, having a baby.
Is there anything left?
Buy a dog?
New car?

...I guess, but for now I'm happy with what I've got.
I'll invite everyone I know up to the house once we move in and unpack... September-ish for now.
Details to follow.

I got my package today from Faye.
No wonder it took so long to arrive, it ended up bouncing off Belleville before it got to me, three times the travel it shoudl have.

Anyways,
I didn't get a chance to play it much, I had to help Jim with the pidgeon coop and other things. It seems good though. I'm happy.

I was watching the simpsons on tv, for anyone who is keeping track, season 13, episode "Brawl in the Family".

It was a far from groundbreaking in anyway, following the same old line of simpsons gags, however there was one part of it that made me laugh.

Lenny: Geez, Homer. I thought someone with two wives would be happy.
Carl: No, you're thinking of someone with two knives.
Moe: (While holding two knives) I gotta tell ya, this is pretty terrific.

Now, that's not bad, not exactly a knee slapper, but all I could see was Baker holding two knives and saying, "I gotta tell ya, this is pretty terrific."

Matt, if you're reading, I intend no offence, nor do I imply a resemblance to Moe in any way, it just sounded like something you'd say, in pretty mucb the exact tone.

Well, this may very well be my last post on here for a very long time. SO I guess I should make it count. The apartment is pretty much all packed up for the big move tomorrow afternoon. After today, which is my last full day at work, I'll have to pack up the last remaining tidbits of things and then manage without all the necessities of life. Tomorrow I'm going to work for a half day, then I'll attempt to slip out without having any awkward goodbyes that may or not go a little something like this,

Other: So this is your last day huh?
Me: Yep...
Other: Well... we'll miss you.....goodluck with everything
Me: (I sure wont miss this place) Thanks...
Othere:...
Me...K....Bye...

Of course I'm sure someone with a ridiculous amount of wit ant tact will mention that they will need to find a new person to change the light bulbs and/or fill the photocopier, and I will give my patented little half smile and wish them to spontaneously combust under my breath as I give a little half assed attempt to smile so the other person thinks all is well.

Glad to be gone, and no, I will not keep in touch with any of you at work, and no, I will not bring in cookies of write a heartfelt goodbye email. I will slither away and hope no one catches me on the way out.